Hunting, Technology, and the elusive Bambi

In much of the US we are in the midst of what is know as huntin' season.  Yep.  Hundreds of thousands of people around the US, a large part of them male, wander into the woods and fields in search of elusive prey.  I began to ponder about how technology has aided or hindered this annual rite of passage.  I think I have a few things figured out...many from personal experience.

Technology device #1, the common cell phone (the one you left in the truck)

It's a beautiful cold autumn day.  You and your buddies have just embarked on a trek through the woods in search of an unsuspecting deer.  You plunge into the brush walking alongside your buddies...eventually spreading out and keeping each other in sight.  You walk for 10 minutes over hills, stumps, and fallen trees when you look to your right and realize you can't see your buddy any more.  So, you reach into your pocket, pull out your cell phone, glance at the time and realize you've actually been walking for almost 3 hours!  Whoops!  You also look around and realize that you've probably been walking around the same hill for most of that time.  OK, time to find out where you are in relation to your buddies.  You place your rifle into the crook of your arm, pull out your cell phone and dial your buddy.  While you have the phone up to your ear, a deer leaps out from behind an evergreen and bounds off into the wilderness.  The conversation goes something like this..."Hello?"  "Where are you?"  "Umm, I'm standing next to a big birch tree.  Why?  Where are you?"  "Uh...I'm standing next to a creek.  Did you see a creek anywhere near you?"  "Yep, crossed one about an hour ago!"  "Really?  What color was it?"  Hilarity ensues...shots get fired into the air and the mighty hunters eventually figure out that they are less than 200 feet apart.

Technology device #2, the handheld GPS device (the one with the dead batteries)

It's a cool blustery day when the mighty hunter ventures off into the wilderness alone armed with little more than his wits (oh boy), his rifle, and his new GPS unit.  The hunter walks for miles into the unknown placing his trust in technology that he'll be able to find his way back.  It's been a long day, the hunter decides that it's probably time to head back.  He reaches into his pocket, fumbles around until he finds his new GPS unit...excited at the prospect that his new toy will point him home...when panic sets in.  Why?  The batteries are dead.  Lifesaving technology has a tendency to be rendered useless without electricity.  Whoops!

How about this scenario?  The mighty hunter and his buddy set off, each with his own portable GPS unit.  A couple of hours later, the two hunters make contact by cell phone...each one asks, "Where are you?"  The first hunter replies, "I'm at waypoint 4 located at 45.5 north and 23.2 west."  The second hunter asks, "OK what button do you push?"  Moments pass...shots are fired into the air and the mighty hunters realize that the GPS is useless.

Technology device #3, the Internet (at home, of course)

The mighty hunter prepares to stumble off into unknown territory secure in the knowledge that he is armed with the latest satellite photos from Google Earth showing all the intricacies of the area landscape.  The little pond over here...the bog over there.  Oh!  Wait!  What's that?  It's a deer standing in the middle of a field photographed by a satellite hurtling around in space high above the earth.  The hunter hurriedly gets his things together, gets out of the truck and heads toward the field.  Hmm...no deer.  Thinking the deer has possibly moved toward the cutting on the edge of the field he begins to circle around the field in hopes of cutting off the escape.  The hunter stumbles into a thicket filled with thorny brush.  Muttering and cursing, he hauls out his trusty Google Earth printout and notices that neither the cutting nor the thicket are anywhere to be seen.  When the fog clears from the hunters mind he notices the date of the image near the bottom of the printout.  April 3rd, 2004  Whoops again!  Little late on that deer...

Technology device #4, the Smartphone/PDA

After a long day of walking through the puckerbrush carrying a long metal rod loaded with tiny little rockets, the mighty hunter emerges from the wilderness in search of food and drink.  While sitting in his truck, the hunter reaches for his Smartphone, ponders the irony that the deer have once again proven to be smarter than he is, and then proceeds to use his portable connection to the Internet to make plans to hook up with his buddies at the local watering hole.  Once again, hilarity ensues, as 4 grown men spend nearly an hour texting and calling one another trying to decide where to grab a bite to eat.

OK smartypants!  There's gotta' be something useful here for hunters.

Actually a loaded rifle makes hunting a little easier.  Seriously, cell phones, GPS devices, and even Google Maps/Earth can really help out when planning your next hunting trip.  A little common sense goes a long way too.  Charged batteries (even spares), a plain 'ol compass (just in case), a realization that you DO NOT control the Google Earth satellites in real time, and your buddies cell phone number can always help.  Google Earth can actually be a great help when hunting in an area where you're not too familiar with the terrain, but be aware that many satellite photos can be a few years old...things change over time, especially out in the woods.  GPS devices can be a fantastic way to keep tabs on your location as well as that of your buddies.  Make sure you read the manual and become completely familiar with your device BEFORE you head out.  Last but not least, common sense.  Technology is wonderful, but it cannot replace the human mind, for most of us..at least.  So, next time you're out in the woods carrying a long metal "firestick" while Bambi is giggling in the underbrush as you pass by, remember have fun and be safe.

David Trask writes for Flubbernuggets.com and is keenly aware that Bambi is much smarter than he is.  Hardly an "avid" hunter, David enjoys long walks in the woods while carrying heavy crap and stumbling through the puckerbrush.